 |
 |
| Differences Between Doms and Dommes Approximately 20 Doms and Dommes took part in the discussion. The opinions expressed may not be held by all.A difference in style between Doms and Dommes is probably a question better put to a group of subs who have experienced Domination from both a Dom and a Domme. However, we muddled through the topic as best we could, and reached some consensus on the following points: There are a greater number of unmatched male subs seeking Dommes than there are female subs seeking Doms. This is likely due to the social structures that we have in the world today; women are not encouraged to act aggressively. There may be some differences in style and intensity of play between Doms and Dommes. Historically, women have wielded power indirectly, while men have taken a direct approach. These historical gender roles may also play out within the D/s arena. Dommes may be more socially conditioned to subtle manipulation than Doms. Men as a rule tend to be more visual creatures. This is evident in both the expectations of male subs, who as a rule desire the regalia of leather and boots, and in the expectations of Doms, who are more prone to use intricate types of bondage (although there was considerable disagreement on that point). It was noted that men are more prone to have a single definable fetish of any kind than women are, whether they are in the top or bottom role. There are likely considerable differences in what is sought by male vs. female subs in D/s relationships, and those present that have both male and female subs find that there is a definite difference in the way they approach these relationships from the Dominant side. Differences are found in the motivation, responses, and psyches of male vs. female subs. Male subs are likely to desire the vacation of responsibility. Female subs are not as likely to put up with many of the things that male subs do. One example is in exclusivity within relationships: many female subs would wish to be the only one, while male subs as a rule are satisfied with being one among many. Male subs are more likely to be attracted to physical elements of D/s, while females tend to find more attraction in the psychological aspects. Female subs also tend to see more normal view in the act of submission than males do. Female subs were described as 'pacific', while male subs may have internal struggles with the role of submission. Male subs may see submission as a challenge to be overcome, while females may see it as a more natural role. Male subs may also have residual effects, ie; questioning ,questioning their manhood' following scenes; in fact, the humiliation aspects may be part of the draw for some. It was noted, however, that BDSM is not a 'one-size-fits-all' pursuit, and that each of the Doms and Dommes present will treat individual subs differently, regardless of their gender. A good Dominant will find the individual motivations that the sub has, and key the activities in that direction. |
|
|