Thoughts of a Submissive Male written and submitted by: proud submissive, fbb      Thank You very much for the opportunity to share my thoughts with Your community and You about the importance and meaning of the Old Rules of Domination and submission. Addtionally, it is a great honor that You consider me worthy enough to even attempt to write this essay. i have read much of the literature on Your web site about Domination and submission at least once and the rules themselves at least 5 times. i have already learned a lot even before keyboarding my thoughts to others and You. Therefore, thank You again for the teachings. Furthermore, i can make even more use of my learning's thus far if i am able to effectively communicate them to others via this message. i view the following several items as the main lessons learned from the Old Rules of Domination and submission. The first 5 items are equally important for both the Dom(me) and the sub in order to have a strong and lasting relationship: Respect for Y/your partner and for Y/yourself Honest communication with Y/your partner Commitment to one another and the relationship Continual growth by the individual and between the partners and T/their relationship Guide O/others that want to know about the scene In addition to the mutual items listed above, the Dom(me) and the sub each have T/their own sets of responsibilities and rights and expectations. Respect is the cornerstone to the relationship and it must be in four directions, i.e. respect by the Dom(me) for Themselves and for Their sub and by the sub for their Dom(me) and for themselves. The Dom(me) needs to respect Themselves as S/He must have the earned confidence and proven ability to control the sub. S/He must be able to understand and read the sub and his/her language, whether spoken or in another form, so S/He can respond appropriately and swiftly for the long-term benefit of the submissive. A Dominant person without self-respect is a fraud and a user, using subs for their own self-gratification instead of the gratification of B/both individuals. The Dom(me) must respect the submissive for having the courage and fortitude to willingly submit to Her/Him and also must respect the submissive's hard limits as any long term physical or mental damage is criminal and certainly not what the submissive is seeking. The Dom(me) must remember that a good sub is a person with their own, but different, strong character and human feelings.      A primary tenet of the relationship is the respect that the submissive must have for his/her Dom(me). S/He has earned this respect. S/He has put a great deal of effort into the relationship and one of their primary rights and rewards is full respect. The submissive must respect themselves as the Dom(me) will eventually be tough and hard on the submissive as part of their growth; a weak sub lacking self-respect will crumble and wilt like an unnourished flower. In other words, the submissive that does not respect their own abilities and worth will not be able to withstand the necessary firm words or actions that the rightful Dom(me) will give the submissive; the sub will then be worthless to the Dom(me), society and their selves Communication and, more specifically, honest communication are the only way for the Dom(me) and sub to get to know each O/other and to grow. Each individual has their own expectations of the relationship; the relationship will go nowhere if it is not discussed. For example, i was given 10 days to complete and submit this essay.  This fact was clearly communicated to me by Mistress Suzette. She expects completion within the time allotted. Furthermore, She has relayed to me, indirectly, by making it 10 days instead of 2 days how important the finished product is. She has also made it clear, again not directly, that it had better be done within that time frame or i probably should not even bother submitting it. Thus, i now know Her expectations on this effort and i now know my responsibilities      i have added the word 'honest' when discussing communication as communication is either worthless or negative if it is dishonest. Furthermore, there are two types of dishonest communication, intentional and unintentional. Both are negative, but the intentional can be very destructive along with being dishonorable. Using the above scenario, i have told Mistress Suzette that i understand my deadline of 10 days. (In a hypothetical manner) If i submit the essay on the 11th day because my dog ate my notes on the 10th day, Mistress will still be angry with me as a deadline is a deadline and it was my responsibility to take into account any potential problems in meeting the deadline. As i result, i would have upset Mistress for being late no matter what the excuse and She would deal with it as She deemed appropriate and i am sure i would not like it and it would be painful, whether physically or emotionally. Worse yet, if i had lied to Mistress Suzette.. say she found out that i do not have a dog and i never let a dog near my notes and that i had dishonestly communicated  (ok...use the short version again....i had lied), the punishment would be severe as i had dis-respected Her, myself and O/Our relationship. Respectfully and certainly hypothetically, i submit for Y/your thinking that a Mistress could have told a submissive 10 days and really meant 7 days and informs the sub of this after the essay is submitted on the 8th day. If this change is believed to be unintentional, then the submissive begins to wonder if the Dom(me) is worthy of His/Her title, position and the accompanying rewards. If this change of dates is found out by the submissive to be intentional and intended to play games with the sub, then the sub, at least one that respects the relationship, the institution of D/s and respect themselves, should lose faith and trust in the relationship and drive for an immediate release from the relationship.      Commitment to the relationship and thus Y/your partner is important. Each I/individual will only get out of the relationship what they put into it. Therefore, if there is no commitment by one or both I/individuals, then their really is no relationship. If there is no relationship, then what is the point? Taking this further, the stronger the commitment, the stronger and better the relationship. Each party to the relationship has made a decision to serve or be served. Once that decision is made, each I/individual should be and needs to put a lot of effort into the relationship. Thus, the only way the relationship will work is if B/both I/individuals are fully committed to the relationship and their responsibilities. Continual growth for the individual and the relationship is also important. Otherwise, the relationship will soon become dull and tired and O/one or both of the I/individuals will want to end the relationship. Generally, the only way for the relationship to grow is for O/one or both of the I/individuals to grow continually.  Naturally, the submissive usually has more to learn as that is part of being submissive..to learn what the Dom(me) wants him/her to learn. Once again, this is usually a basic tenant to the relationship. Yet, a true Dom(me) will also be learning for really several reasons. The true Dom(me) wants to learn all there is to learn about the lifestyle and can garner new understanding even from a green sub. Times change and the expectations of subs and the Dom(me)s may both change. If the sub is growing, then there will be more needs and opportunities for the Dom(me) to fulfill for that growing sub. Some Dom(me)s take on new subs and, since each person is different, the challenge and experience for the Dom(me) will be new and thus an opportunity for growth.      The interest in BDSM is growing. There are more and more individuals that are curious about this lifestyle. There are so many options and so many varying views of what is good and bad about the scene. Furthermore, what is the person looking for in a relationship? Lifestyle, an occasional session, a switch relationship with the same person, on-line by phone or in person, hard or soft play, erotic or just painful, etc. On top of the simple rules, there are so many varying protocols. As a result, there is a great deal of diverse activity and options in the current BDSM scene. The best way for a new player to learn about the scene and what works for them is to discuss with and learn from several experienced players. It is the responsibility of all current P/players to discuss their thoughts with the curious fringe P/players and new P/players. Society is allowing the scene to grow and W/we want it to grow respectfully and consensually as W/we know how rewarding and enjoyable it can be for all of U/us. The more the merrier... if all remain respectful. Therefore, if W/we want the lifestyle to grow and flourish, W/we must be willing to share our thoughts and experiences.      As a side comment, i am finding it interesting how society is exposing the lifestyle and increasingly so. In hindsight, my first recollection of it is the Rolling Stone's song 'Under My Thumb', which many think is just the male Stones beating their chests and degrading woman in general, but is really about a D/s relationship if you listen to the lyrics carefully. The Rocky Horror Picture Show was a revelation although it was focused on fetishes in general. Recently, there was the fascinating movie, "Secretary", which gets into the head a bit of both P/players in a BDSM relationship and the book, "Kiss my Tiara". Most recently, there is a long D/s scene in the latest American Pie movie, "American Wedding", that is very stereotypical and juvenile but nonetheless in a very mainstream movie. The thoughts so far have revolved around the mutual responsibilities of both the Dom(me) and the submissive. An important overall take-away is that the relationship is not a set one-way experience where the Dom(me) simply does what S/He pleases and that the sub simply just follows orders. The relationship is a 2-way street of communication, pursuit of growth, respect, commitment and more. For example, some of my most cherished moments thus far with Mistress Suzette has been our discussions. Essentially, the relationship is like any relationship in life and the D/s relationship has the same characteristics for success as an everyday vanilla relationship with the same mantra of 'You get out of it what you put into it." (except the word 'Y/you' is handled differently). With that said, there are certain responsibilities, rights and expectations that are only for either the Dom(me) or the sub. For the Dom(me), some of Her/His key responsibilities are protection of the sub, teaching the sub, especially when the sub wants to learn, fair treatment in terms of rewards and punishment equating to the associated action, avoiding all inflexible hard limits and not abusing Her/His power. The submissive's rights and expectations are the flip side of the Dom(me)'s responsibilities. The Dom(me)'s rights and expectations include committed service, unquestionable loyalty, utmost courtesy and to have Her/His wishes obeyed. Once again, the mirror image portrays the submissive's situation, this time his/her responsibilites. Essentially Essentially, this paragraph of unique responsibities and expectations by either the Dom(me) or the sub are specific extensions of the 5 bullet points that have been discussed in this essay. Therefore, this body of work is best summarized by reviewing the key foundations of a relationship. Indeed, the foundations for a successful Domination and submission relationship are essentially the same as for any relationship. The differences are in the application and focus of these foundations where one individual willingly has submitted to a Dominant personality and that Dominant personality agrees to take on a submissive person. A special relationship has thus been established and one where everyday courtesies become even more important for that relationship's success. As i was writing explanations of the individual foundations, i kept using words that i had used earlier in the essay. Yet, that is good as each of the foundations is integrated and should be integrated. The relationship begins with COMMUNICATION,  typically with the submissive outlining his/her expectations and desires and the Dom(me)  relaying to the submissive what actions please Her/Him and make Her/His life better. This  communication from moment one and forever must be honest or intended to be honest or the relationship will fail and probably fail early The submissive should learn very quickly (depending on how T/they meet will effect the timing) whether or not the Dom(me) is a real Dom(me) in mind and soul and thus has earned their respect. After that hopefully short introductory period, the submissive is respectfully to cease contact if s/he does not respect the Dom(me) or the submissive is to submit to Her/His ability and knowledge if the sub respects Her/Him. There is no in-between once RESPECT has been determined. Contrarily, the Dom(me) must at least respect the prospective submissive as a human being and will determine over Her/His time schedule whether or not the sub is worthy of Her/His respect as a submissive. As time is going by, each I/individual must be exhibiting their COMMITMENT to the relationship with the Dom(me) effectively communicating His/Her desires and the submissive following the orders, all within previously and mutually agreed boundaries of the relationship. All along, the relationship should be getting more intense, more interesting, more intimate, more thoughtful, more gratifying, or in other words....GROWING all the time with each I/individual yearning for more. More than likely, GROWTH will continue as long as their is COMMITMENT, RESPECT and Honest COMMUNICATION and the relationship will blossom and flourish. If any one of the foundations crumble, the relationship will crumble.i have enjoyed completing my assignment and hope that these words are beneficial to T/those that read them. If Y/you are serious about Domination and submission as part of Y/your life, please adhere to the simple Old Rules. They are logical and they are easy to understand and Y/you will be a better person for trying to master them. As Mistress Suzette has told me before, reaching perfection on the rules, those in print and those between the lines, is not critical, but striving to reach perfection on the rules is critical. Join the Journey if it is for Y/you or, if already enjoying the Journey, keep striving for perfection.

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