For & About
Submissives

.

Submissive vs. Slave

This distinction appears muddled, misunderstood and generalized by a great number of the
people that I converse with. First I would like to make a point. Language at it's best shifts from
area to area. Within this one continent we have many variations or dialects of usage. This can
be seen in terms like sweeper meaning vacuum cleaner etc. So, many words used within a
community can mean different things to different people based on the 'age' of the person, their
background and the common usage of the area they live in.

The submissive is a volunteer.

The slave is not a volunteer.

~*~submissive~*~

This is the core and substantial difference between the two terms. Within the BDSM
community this can be interpreted in this way. The submissive individual may be lightly,
moderately or heavily submissive. The submissive has a desire to submit to the direction of
another person which in this community we call the Dominant or Top. Their submission may
be quite limited in range, for example, they may only want and desire to release their
submission in a limited fashion, for short amounts of time and within tightly confined arena's.
This type of submissive will generally carry a long list of rules, boundaries, limits, requirements
etc. which they require the Dominant to agree to prior to engaging their submissive aspect
within the relationship. Other submissives will have a more moderate (this is the largest group)
approach, a stronger desire to submit for longer periods of time with fewer restrictions,
limitations and requirements. A small percentage of submissives will be heavily submissive.
They desire and look for a full time partner to live with on a full time basis. Their nature is to
seek to express their submission as often as possible with the fewest restrictions upon their
chosen Dominant as possible. Generally their list of limitations, rules and requirements may be
verbal, short and flexible.
Additionally there is the person that calls themselves submissive who prefers to seek out
only casual contacts. This person is willing to submit only so far as to address their personal
needs. Their orientation toward 'serving' the other person is almost nonexistent. They will have
a list of personal needs and requirements and in large part do not care who fills them. These
persons tend to be called the "DO ME" subs. In my opinion they are not submissives at all, not
having the basic criteria of a 'desire to serve for the pleasure of another' that is the fundamental
trait I identify as submissive and Dominant. For me personally, the 'do me sub' in my eyes is a
vanilla person with a kink fetish desire.
There is one other category that needs to be mentioned here. This is the terminology of
bottom and masochist. In general terms a bottom is not necessarily submissive but a person
who enjoys scening from the bottom position. This bottom may or may not consider
themselves to be a submissive, many consider themselves to be neither submissive nor
Dominant but more accurately a switch. You will note that I do not consider a bottom to be a
'do me sub', their attitude, orientation and motivation are distinctly different. In my opinion
they are usually very open and honest about the submissive aspect and by virtue of that fall
into their own category. I have scened with many bottoms and found them to be excellent for
demo's, workshops and to help out or assist where multiple persons are useful for the
fulfillment of a scene. The masochist also plays in here, a masochist is a person that enjoys pain
being inflicted upon them. They do not need to be submissive at all, (similar to a bottom).
However, many submissives are strongly masochistic. The masochist also is sometimes called a
'pain slut', they generally are most similar to a bottom in clarifying their distinctions from the
label or identification of submissive. This form of honesty is what in my opinion makes both of
these choices valid.

~*~slave~*~

The slave is beyond the last level of the submissive. The slave vacates limits. To be a slave is
to offer of self fully and without reservation. From my perspective very few individuals fall into
this category. Those that do, that I know personally are generally with their Dominant for a
very long period of time. Trust has been long ago established, limits and range discovered and
a relationship of personal strength has emerged which allows the submissive to transcend to
this level. This is a level without safewords, without limits. The slave lives with their Dominant
on a full time basis and may or may not have a life external of serving their mate. The slave
generally selects a Dominant with parallel limits. By this I mean that the final action of trust is
the vacating of set limits. In order to do this the individual must fundamentally know that their
partner shares the same 'natural' or 'inviolate' limits as they do. A Dominant has limits just like
a submissive. That which falls within their natural range and desire is their arena.
Many people use the term 'slave' interchangeably with submissive. I myself enjoy calling
my sub's 'slaves' because it thrills them. However, I know in truth that they are not slaves, they
fall within the field of the submissive. A submissive without choice (limit's - safewords) becomes
a slave. They have passed that final threshold of personal trust.
One final thing to really confuse things. I have a category which I call the 'Authentic
Submissive', I also call these persons 'full out or true Submissives'. This is the submissive who is
auto responsive. When in top space they can and may appear to be at any level of the
submissive listed above. Upon entering sub-space they lose the ability to do anything but
obey. This is an automatic response. They are unable to control the response. It has been my
lifelong opinion that these submissives are the 'natural slaves', they have a capacity and range
far exceeding the non-auto-responsive submissive. By the way, when I find one of these quite
rare authentic submissives, I am instinctively very protective of them. They are the most
vulnerable members of this community.
Ok, to address a few more misconceptions. There is sometimes rampant discussion on the
who is real question. Any person who states that they are submissive, switch or Dominant
should be taken at their word until through action, word or deed they demonstrate otherwise.
Respect is not given by virtue of having any aspect but is earned or inspired by consistent
action, word or deed. The amount, number, placement, design of brandings, piercings, tattoo's
etc. can but do not necessarily identify any individual by virtue of in community status. These
ornamentation's are used across the entirety of the community and can be seen upon any
individual regardless of Dominant or submissive status.
The easiest way to discover a person's placement within the community, be it through
gender, sexual orientation, top, bottom, sideways etc... is to politely ask them. You can simply
say, "What way would you prefer to be addressed?" This offers the individual the choice to tell
you what they prefer so that you will not appear discourteous. By the way...courtesy is the
key. You are not required to respect any unknown person. You are required to use common
courtesy. Additionally, there is no right or wrong to being or believing yourself to be anything.
It is not better to be one thing or the other and people should not be discriminated against for
those choices they make. I offer common respect to all persons until and unless they take an
action that I find disrespectful. At that point I generally elect to have no further converse with
them.
One final note. There is what is loosely called a 'submissive network'. This network is a
system which has existed probably since the origination of the SSC credo (safe, sane and
consensual), wherein submissives within a community share information. This becomes
important if you are a new person. A Dominant is only as good as the reputation they
maintain within their local community. There are persons within this community who use the
label Dominant, Top and even Sadist to cover their activities of non-consensual abuse. If you
encounter someone who is abusive or breaks the SSC credo. Identify them in their local
community. This is in real life. If you are a Dominant and you encounter a submissive who is
unbalanced (mentally), by this I mean erratic, violent, abusive...share this information as
neutrally as possible with the other Dominant's in your locale who may encounter this
submissive.
There are some persons who call themselves submissive who will turn after a scene and
accuse the Dominant of abuse. Generally they have not dealt with prior, long term or life long
experiences with abuse. You are not required to medically diagnose, just be open and honest.
Submissives also live by their local reputation. When encountering or beginning a new
relationship be honest about any occurrences which may reflect poorly on your reputation.
Establishment of trust requires this. A Dominant may be accused of abuse and a submissive
accused of being cracked or insane without substantiation. Imput the information and take the
time to get to know the individual before making a judgment!

.