Master’s Training (part I) By Jack Peacock We all read about how a submissive should be trained, but what about the dominant? I've heard answers ranging from "read the S & M Good Books" to "learn to be submissive first". None of that advice seems to be useful or applicable to me. What did occur to me is the similarity between leadership qualities and what I would call positive dominant attributes. 1. Good leaders sometimes make people unhappy A dominant cannot choose the path of mediocrity, hoping every decision he makes meets with her approval. He has to face tough decisions and choose a course. It may not be one she likes, he may not like it either, but sometimes there are no good answers. As the dominant partner it is his job to weigh benefits against risks, needs, and wants. Whether he assigns the right priorities or not is the burden he must bear alone. It's not only "other" people who may be unhappy at what he does; he must be able to live with the results as well. 2. The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help them or concluded that you do not care.  Either case is a failure of a relationship." Substitute submissive for soldier and it fits right into a D/s framework. Failure to keep to the dominant role destroys confidence as surely as breaking promises. Acting as though the role of master is one of being aloof and unapproachable is a guarantee to future disaster when the sub begins to feel he doesn't care and can't be bothered by her seemingly petty concerns. "3. Don't be buffaloed by experts and elites." Experts often possess more data than judgment. Elites can become so inbred> that they produce hemophiliacs who bleed to death soon as they are nicked by the real world. This is one of my favorites, and a recurring theme whenever someone asks my opinion about D/s. How often do we see the self-proclaimed experts with exactly twenty years experience and some vast number of submissives supposedly trained by them? Yet when pressed for specifics it turns out they haven't been able to sustain a relationship in the real world for any appreciable length of time, nor do they offer up any more than the usual clichés when asked what they've learned from their years of experience. I make no claims to being an expert on D/s; I only offer up my own opinions and let those who read then draw their own conclusions as to the worth. 4. Don't be afraid to challenge the pros Even in their own backyard. This parallels my own favorite saying, that no one has a monopoly on wisdom. The "pros" may have valuable information and life experiences they should share, but they may also have reached the point where they no longer have the open, questing mind so necessary to learning. Publishing a book five or ten years ago is an admirable accomplishment, but what has happened in the intervening years? D/s itself might date to the earliest days of the human race, but that doesn't mean it's static and unchanging. Just look at how much the Internet has changed our perceptions. 5. Never neglect details. When everyone's mind is dulled or distracted, the leader must be doubly vigilant. The corollary in d/s is that a master notices all the little details. Her self-esteem is based, in part, not only on what she does for him but that he enjoys and values her contribution. If he exercises his power but fails to show appreciation for the results then he has lost sight of what a d/s relationship is about Some things I found of value were certain simple, unobtrusive rules my wife was required to follow without exception. One of those was a requirement to wear earrings each evening at dinner. She never made any comment on what she thought of it, but she did keep to it as much as possible. I made the effort to notice each night. We often made a little game of it, where she would make a big production out of selecting the appropriate ones and email me about it before I got home from work. It became important to her, a point where she marked each day, the time when she would have to stop whatever she was doing and go pick something out of her jewellery box. There was never a chance I wouldn't notice, because the second part of the rule was that she had to ask before removing them. 6. You don't know what you can get away with until you try My first thought on this one was, hmmm, is this good advice or bad? Then I read through Gen. Powell's explanation and thought about it. His point is that good leaders don't need to get approval from someone else first. They don't act rashly, but neither do they let others hold them back. To dominate is to set the agenda and act on it, not argue it's worth. I don't see this as a license to pursue excess. A dominant essentially has to regulate himself. The problem starts when he transfers some of that self-control to another person. He needlessly limits his own abilities by allowing in doubt to eat away at his confidence. He still has to think through on his decisions, anticipate the possible consequences, but if there is a possibility someone might not approve that doesn't put a halt to everything. It's just another factor to evaluate; perhaps irritating some third party is necessary. Mothers-in-law come to mind as good examples.

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