Master's Training (part II) 7. Keep looking below surface appearance Don't shrink from doing so (just) because you might not like what you find. This is a warning not to become complacent. The relationship may appear to be stable and successful, but are there problems growing in the background? A master cannot rely on the appearance of contentment; he has to look for the small signs, the inconsistencies that tell him he must ask some pointed questions. 8. Organization doesn't really accomplish anything Plans don't accomplish anything, either. Theories of management don't much matter. Endeavors succeed or fail because of the people involved. Only by attracting the best people will you accomplish great deeds. All the research and training in the world cannot make one a good dominant or submissive. We can talk about situations, procedures, techniques, but all count for nothing if there isn't that spark inside all of us. The spark that drives us to dominate or submit, and to seek out that special someone to make us complete. This is why I am especially cynical about those who claim to "train" submissives or even run schools. They are people who are quick to claim some kind of experience, or try to impress with numbers, but always fail when it comes to explanations about results. I don't discount knowledge here though. It is not enough to have the drive and intelligence to succeed. There have to be the tools of education to build on as well. The smartest engineer in the world would never have gotten out of his cave if he had to reinvent the wheel every day. 9. Organization charts and fancy titles count for next to nothin The fancy titles run rampant in online d/s circles. Why I really don't know. Someone once told me it's a way to identify dominant and submissive, but I find that overly simplistic. I think people choose titles to project an image: the dark, somewhat sinister knight with the medieval peerage title; or the soft yielding picture in submissive names. Nothing wrong with it as long as it isn't taken too seriously but there's no place for it in the real world. In real life the fancy title evokes no picture except one of the pompous buffoon, one with so little confidence in his own ability he must rely on the crutch of a lengthy title. 10. Never let your ego get so close to your position So that when your position goes, your ego goes with it. Part of being dominant is the insistence on having it done one way. Call it egotistical, or my favorite, pig-headed stubborn, but I think it is part of what makes a dominant effective, the appearance of the force of will so necessary to *get it done*. However, as Gen. Powell makes the point here, there comes a time to cut losses, admit mistakes, and rethink the problem. Someone who feels he must be seen as infallible no matter how egregious the error is a risk to himself and everyone around him. I often make the point that I base decisions on what I know at the time. Subsequent events may prove me wrong, and if that happens so be it. To sit idly by and make no choice is in itself a decision too, so there is no abrogation of responsibility no matter what position I do or do not take. Sometimes I get it right (hopefully most of the time), but there have been and will be times I really screw up. When it happens I live with it, try to learn what to look for next time, and do what I can to recover from disaster. Now I'd like to be infallible, and there is an emotional cost when I fail, especially when someone else suffers too, but my ego does not go with it because I did my due diligence. As long as I make the effort to think through possibilities and anticipate results I can still look at myself in the mirror each morning. Aside from mistakes, this is another warning about becoming complacent, a theme that runs throughout Gen. Powell's list. Now by definition a dominant is pretty much in charge of the relationship, so he takes the lead in structuring roles and responsibilities. That's expected, and it hopefully works out so that both are happy and content. But what works today may not apply a year, or five, down the road. Consistency is essential as a bedrock of security for the submissive, but for both dom and sub there have to be times when the basic assumptions are re-examined. No changes may be needed, but the status quo is preserved as a result of mutual understanding, not out of misplaced pride. 11. Fit no stereotypes Don't chase the latest management fads. The situation dictates which approach best accomplishes the team's mission. When I first stumbled across the D/s and BDSM sites and IRC areas on the internet I was surprised at how large they were and that so many people were actively involved. I didn't know much, so I sat back, lurked and listened, rarely joining in. I hesitated because what I read didn't seem to fit with what I believed. That was over four years ago, but as late as a few weeks ago I still saw the same thing, the claim that a d/s relationship has to include certain elements of SM or it isn't somehow real. Stereotypes and fads of which I want no part. A dominant has to think for himself. He has to learn to trust his own instincts, resist peer pressure, and when doubts arise about the validity of advice and experience shared by others, he has to examine those doubts critically. Letting someone else replace shrewd judgment with unthinking rote clichés is a sure path to eventual failure in the relationship. 12. Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier From my own experience I learned that submissives have a natural talent for heightened sensitivity to their dominant's mood. The first time my wife looked at me and repeated, word for word, something I had been worrying about just a moment before, I saw for myself just how well-developed that talent can be. A dominant has to be the eternal optimist, at least as much as is humanly possible. She reacts to his moods; if he's gloomy and depressed she will reflect it back to him tenfold. But if he's always looking for the bright side, adversity is only another challenge to be overcome; she draws strength from his confidence and happily stands at his side, working with him to overcome any obstacle.

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