Training by Jack Rinella      One of the more valuable undertakings in the pursuit of the best SM is to learn about it in whatever way one can. Knowledge, in this regard, empowers us to enjoy our kink to the utmost and to discover and express ourselves to the fullest extent possible. Learning is an imperative ingredient in human growth and if we can learn from others, then our learning curve will be accelerated.      Education takes on a great many forms: experimentation, study, practice, listening, and discussion are examples that quickly come to mind. Though we most often think of "training" as something that applies mostly to the master/slave or the handler/puppy dynamic, in fact it can be an important part of any person's education in kink, no matter what the subject. My handy American Heritage Dictionary defines the verb train as "To coach in or accustom to a mode of behavior or performance; To make proficient with specialized instruction and practice." The best SM experiences come with being proficient: "Performing in a given art, skill, or branch of learning with expert correctness and facility; adept."      Though my slave Patrick has only a few protocols that I require of him, one of the ones performed most often is when he greets me. Upon our meeting, such as when he returns from work or I come back from school, he will drop to his knees and kiss each of my feet, then recite a required phrase. Though the action has been required since the beginning of our relationship, the phrase has changed over time. Originally, I think, he said "I was born to serve you," then I changed it to "I live to suck your cock." There were several others that I can't recall. The present one, "Please train me to please you, Sir," evolved last winter.      When my fourth "second" slave left, I decided that if I couldn't have two slaves I would make one slave give me the pleasure of two. "More slavery, Patrick," I would say. "I want more slaves and more slavery." This led to the idea that if he was to become more of a slave, I would have to train him in specific areas of service. If I wanted a more intense relationship and more intense experiences, then I would have to lead him there with me.      Over the past nine months or so, then, I have incorporated "training" into our sex life. Let's see. We have trained his lips, cock, nuts, and ass. We have had training with ropes, belts, paddles, crops, dildos and clothespins (one of my favorite) and have trained for pain, endurance, control, and my pleasure.       Novices often fail to understand that more experienced players got there with experience, direction, and practice. I remember the first time I heard of someone getting fisted. I thought that such a thing would be impossible. Indeed, if you have a virgin ass, it isn't easy or even probable that it will get penetrated by a fist quickly. Only later did I realize that the sphincter muscles can be trained to relax so as to become open enough to accommodate a fist. That process, like all training, is in done in stages, with the number of the fingers or the size of the dildo inserted increasing only with time and practice. Small steps, folks, small steps.      One learns, for instance, to tolerate one clothespin, then a second. In this way tolerance of the pain is gradually learned. When Patrick first submitted to me nearly seven years ago, he was, for instance, quite averse to my slapping his face. The first time I did it, I got a strong, angry reaction. I had tapped into a significant amount of fear.      Eventually he learned to take my hand on his cheek. This past spring I began "slap training" him in earnest. When I train I make known the goal of the training, so I will begin by saying something like "Patrick, you need some slap training and I'm going to give it to you." I tell him what I want and why I want it. I then build the intensity of my slaps slowly, during which time I will reassure him that I won't hurt him. There is a great deal of reinforcement that must take place as well.      I especially want him to know how much I enjoy slapping him, as my pleasure is a big concern to him. I acknowledge how much he has improved over time with practice and what a good slave he is to have learned this and to have learned it well. This procedure applies to any SM practice in which one wants to become proficient. It is a matter of setting a goal and creating a plan that will lead to proficiency. The plan should incorporate positive feedback in order to reinforce the desired behavior.      Behavior sets real SM apart from fantasy and cyberspace. Actions speak louder than words. Are you a top? Then show me your dominance in your behavior, not your attitude. If you are a slave, then behave as such. No amount of talking, and there is a lot of it, is as credible as one's behavior. If you tell me you really want something, such as a partner or to know how to use single-tail whips, and then let me see the behavior that demonstrates your desire and makes it believable.      This applies to all of us at every level of our Leather life. Training is invaluable, if we are to gain the proficiency needed for the fullest expression and enjoyment of our kinky lives. Unfortunately we too often fail to understand that much of what is good in SM demands training. In this era of rapid gratification we just want our ecstasy to be handed to us without effort.      Too often, too, we let other considerations interfere with the possibility of real learning. For instance, we might refuse to learn from someone who is the "wrong" age or weight or gender. Training, you see, can come from anyone who has the necessary skills to transfer the information and experience to you. We need to get over the expectations, self-imposed requirements, and hang-ups that deter us from attaining our goals.      I know that all this sounds like work. It is. On this planet, little comes easily so it behoves us to be willing to "pay the price" in order to grow as Leather folk. What then do you want to be different in your kinky life?      Make a list. Doing so is a behavior. Prioritize the list, as you can't have it all at once. Are there some things that can be acquired easily? Do them first as you make plans and work toward the more difficult or more time-consuming objectives. Write out your plan and give it substance with dates and bench-marks for determining your success.      Review your plans and revise them as necessary. Do you need training? In what area? Where can you find someone to help you? Are you willing to do what it takes? The answer to those questions will only be proven by your actions. Remember it's only a series of small steps. Take care to do the small steps and the large ones will happen without your hardly noticing. Have a great week.

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