Directing Action "Directing Action can be difficult for a new Dominant, it can and will feel uncomfortable and sometimes silly... " This opening statement was immediately responded to with a question, "Isn't Directing Action just another way of saying being bossy?" This brought up a comment "Domineering vs. Dominance" They are NOT the same thing! Soft speech, effective direction, pace and timing were all brought up as key points in the direction of a submissive. Additionally it was pointed out that it is important NOT to overlap or issue conflicting commands. It was immediately noted that some submissives simply REFUSE to obey direction but are NOT using their safe-word to escape the situation. This was followed by a conversation on the ability of submissives to direct action from their position by deliberately setting motions into play that require the Dominant to respond to them. It was pointed out that if you allow your submissive to achieve success using this technique that in future they will continue to apply this technique to gain the response they desire from you. In effect they nullify YOUR direction through their actions or inactions. There seemed to be a consensus that such activity should be nipped in the bud. If a submissive deliberately disobeys in the hope of more intensive attention then you should perhaps 'dismiss' them from your presence or in some other manner punish them but NOT in the way they desire! Techniques to creating positive Direction with a submissive were these: Give very simple commands, keep it simple. Learn and practice simple commands and inform your sub in advance of meeting what they are. Take the time to 'learn' about your submissive, their habits, likes, dislikes and triggers. Set up rituals to deploy your submissive into the right frame of mind. These are mini-scenes which occur EVERY time in uniform consistency. An example of a scene could be such as paying homage to the Dominant every time that Dominant arrives; an expectation of immediate service; beginning every scene using the same commands such as 'Inspection', followed by 'Discipline' etc... These re-occurring events strengthen and teach obedience and offer a structure of understanding for the new submissive. There was also a serious discussion regarding commands. The members were in agreement that it is the Dominant's responsibility to be consistent. If they train a sub to respond to a specific command they need to remember that command and response as well. Some common commands can create confusion. One example of this is the command Present. Present CAN mean for the sub to present wrists for cuffing, present entire body in surrender position, present portion of body for discipline etc. A new sub can and will be confused. Which is which? As you become familiar with them and they familiar with you such multi-use commands can be incorporated, however early in a relationship commands that apply in many ways can create insecurity, confusion and even tearful emotional outbursts and for that reason should be used very carefully or avoided all together. How to issue commands? "Should I speak slowly?" This question was offered by one of our newer members. There was an immediate offering of this advice; "Speak slowly, distinctly. Praise your submissive often when they achieve a goal to your satisfaction. Be prepared for your submissive to slow down and take more time to respond as they enter sub-space. Pay attention to details 'in scene'. Use similar techniques to 'puppy training'. Reward for good behavior and lightly but firmly punish for erring behavior. Some training CAN be humiliating and the Dominant needs to KNOW their personal limits in practicing this if it is a technique their submissive wants and desires. It is also important to maintain the 'veneer' of control. If you have NO idea what you want to do you will SHOW or reveal that to your sub with detrimental results! "What if you make a mistake? Like...you hit something you didn't mean to?" One of the members was very concerned with something that had occurred during a real life scene and if an appropriate Dominant response had been made. "...You should apologize. Offer comfort, explain why it had occurred, ensure the ability of your submissive to continue in scene and be prepared to exit scene if necessary to maintain the trust." This open hearted exchange brought relief to the Dominant as it was the same type of action the Dominant had taken in real life. "What should I wear during a session?" This brought some laughter and grins as the varying members offered; "If you wish to allow your appearance to enhance the scene you may dress or attire yourself in a strong way, say wearing leather. It was noted that men are very triggered by visual cues. If the submissive is a man the Domme often will dress to excite and present a powerful presence. If the Dominant is a male he might in the same fashion require his submissive female to wear fetish clothing or something he finds sexy. Some of the male Dominants also noted that they like wearing dark clothing, Master hoods, belts and leather accoutrements. However ALL agreed that the choice of clothing should be comfortable and non-confining. The range of movement necessary during a scene should be considered. Some of the Domme's admitted that as soon as their submissive was blindfolded and unable to see them, that they removed heels etc. to be more comfortable yet retain the 'image' in their submissives mind from their last visual image. This brought the discussion around to another point..."ANYTHING that distracts will NOT work!" An example would be noise from the television in the background. "It must 'fit' the intent where you wish to go!" It was also pointed out that external sound impairs the Dominant's ability to 'hear' their submissive and as in many cases submissives get softer during scene this can become VERY important to maintenance of that link between Dominant and submissive. It was also considered very important to take your time, not be rushed or needing to hurry. One of the members pointed out that often it is not 'one scene' but many 'little scenes'. Each small scene exists fully, and it is important for the Dominant to allow each scene to be experienced completely. And, one should expect change. Often the unexpected may arise or mid-scene the Dominant will see an opportunity to explore something s/he may not have considered. There is NO requirement that a 'plan' MUST be followed, though if you alter your original plan for the scene you must also become more focused as you may not have fully explored the dangers and prepared for them. Expect the unexpected!

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